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(SQP-Ep.005 ~ Our Deeper Dimension Gives Hope ~ w. Stef Cybichowski)
Editor Note: Minor edits have been made from the original audio recording for easier reading.

(opening intro music begins)

Intro Text: Welcome to the spiritual intelligence podcast, Awakening your inner power with Daniel Martinez Stahl, where we will explore, discover and integrate different aspects of our spiritual and human nature, so that we can all thrive and live life with more grace and ease, instead of struggle.

(Intro music fades away.)

Daniel: So, welcome to the Spiritual Intelligence Podcast once again, my name is Daniel Martinez Stahl and with me today is a friend of mine whose name is Stef Cybichowski, and I kinda butchered that a little bit, but Cybichowski it is a name that I have struggled with for a long time.

Stef: Me too. (both begin laughing)

Daniel: Nonetheless just so that the members of the the podcast are aware, Stef is built, built (with disbelief in the voice, which then turns to humor), he's built in the UK (chuckling), he lives in the UK, he is part of my Three Principles family, he's part of the community. In the last episode we talked about, or in the last few episodes we've been talking with the Three Principles, it's been coming up, and in the last episode I specifically went into more detail on that.

So, if you missed the last episode, it's the episode with Joe Bailey, please go back and speak to that (I of course meant to say listen but what can you do, it's what came out). I'm sure that the term will come up during our conversation but, nonetheless. So I will let Stef introduce himself, just a brief introduction as to who you are and, and then we'll go from there.

Stef: Okay, so the name is interesting. You were saying about the name. I — my father was from Poland, first generation Poland. So I remember the first time I went to Poland, they asked me what my name was at the airport or something like that, or at a bank or something. And I said Stef Cybichowski, and they said, "No, no, that's not right," (both begin laughing) "say it again?" So, I said it again and they said, "No, no, it's sibihofski (spelled phonetically)." So, I've been saying my own name wrong for 60 plus years now. (Daniel begins laughing) So, Daniel, believe me, you have nothing to worry about, I'm the learner.

Daniel: Beautiful.

Stef: So, yeah, Stef Cybichowski (pronounced properly). I am a dad, I am a musician, and I am a, as you were describing Daniel, I'm a — what we call a Three Principles coach, facilitator, practitioner. What that means is that over the last seven years, I've spent my time sharing these Principles to many kinds of diverse sections of society. So, with corporations, with military veterans, with schools, gambling addiction, conferences, I'll go anywhere basically. I'll get in totally over my head, but it has been an extremely nourishing ride for my own journey, if you like. My own understanding of Life Beyond Form, of the spiritual side of ourselves as human beings. It's been life transforming, as I imagine it has been for you Daniel.

Daniel: As it has, as it has. Thank you. So, as a way of getting started I would love to have you speak a little bit about what it means to you that we all have inner power.

Stef: (pause) So, that's a really good question. So, I remember growing up as a kid. I remember having the experience of quite a challenging time at school. I was really small and I was quite sensitive, so I would get — you know, with a name like mine — I got bullied quite a lot, and it became a feature of my daily life. And, I went from primary school to secondary school, which we have in the UK, and then I went to college and then I went to work. And it seemed that I had a — an opinion of myself, I had an idea of who I was, as being this extremely nervous, confused person that was just not quite good enough.

Just not quite as good as everyone else. I thought I wasn't as smart, I thought I wasn't as physically able as other people, to do things. And that had the effect of limiting my options in life. You know, I was so self-conscious that I couldn't ask the girl out, and I couldn't go to that party, I couldn't go to the interview for the job, because I believed that what I had thought about myself, the idea that I had about myself, was true and real and it wasn't good enough.

When I first began to look into the idea of the understanding that we call the Three Principles — but it's basically the same truth, whether you're talking about any philosophy or any religion, to me it feels like there is a thread, or several threads of truth that run through every spiritual understanding. When I began to look into — this was a long time ago — I looked into Taoism, I looked into Buddhism, I looked into Sufism. I wanted to find out if there was something more and I always had the sense that there was something bigger than me.

I always had the sense that I had more power than I allowed myself to believe. But, it was a difficult, it was a difficult research. You know? There are a lot of things that I read that felt true, but I couldn't quite relate it back to my actual daily life. It felt like it was out there. You know? And then when I came across this understanding that we call the Three Principles, it tied everything together. It tied all those threads. I began to recognize truth in all the — in all the reading that I'd been doing and all the research I've been doing all my life.

I got a really really strong sense that instead of it just being me and my failings, I looked back on my life and I could actually see where I had been guided, I could see where Life had kind of taken me and shown me the truth of who I was, and how Life could help me navigate through those areas. I looked back on my life, I looked back on some really traumatic, for me, experiences, and I could see how they were an invitation to see the deeper part of me.

They were an invitation for me to evolve and grow, and understand who I really was. And with that came a sense of empowerment, like you were saying, there was a sense of, "oh right, so this isn't, this isn't just me against the world, there is a design, there is an intelligence behind life." And I could see how — even though there were times in my life where I really definitely didn't get what I wanted, I could see with hindsight how the experience had helped me to grow and understand more of who I was.

So, the power that comes with understanding (sigh), the power that comes with knowing that there is a deeper dimension to us, not only helps us navigate our lives, it helps us meet life with love and compassion and kindness, and creativity and engagement, and most of all what it gave me was hope.

Gave me hope, that there are (pause) possibilities in my life — beautiful, miraculous, amazing, possibilities — that I couldn't see with my intellect, with my experience, my database of what life was. And that has, has transformed my life into a richer, deeper, more miraculous experience. (birds chirping in the background)

And, I like — there is a teacher in the Three Principles that says, you know, "The understanding that we have of who we really are makes us more grateful for the highs but more graceful with the lows." It doesn't mean we don't have the lows, it doesn't mean we don't have the challenging times, but we understand them more. We can navigate them with more grace and hope. (birds continue chirping)

Daniel: Beautiful. (pause) So one of the things that really drove me to create this community, and even to name it Spiritual Intelligence, is the idea that as we become more aware of our spiritual nature, as we become more aware of who we are, and within the environment of life that were playing in, the application of that information and that knowledge and that understanding back into our current life, is the way that I've come to understand what spiritual intelligence is. It's our ability to integrate our spirituality with our humanity. (birds keep chirping)

And I love the idea of hope. I think that hope is, (pause) hope is definitely something that I could use more of in my life. (begins laughing) And, I think it's, I think it's a beautiful and very powerful energy, to have hope. And a lot of times, for me, hope also has with it a sense of trust. A trusting, if you will, of like you said, ahhhh — I don't want to say something greater than us because for me it's about — a lot of what I am working on within myself is about that empowerment of recognizing who I am, which means that there isn't a greater power beyond myself, it means that I am that greater power, and so for me that language is common, is commonly used, but I am interpreting it a little bit differently now. I am looking more towards recognizing that I am part of that same energy that creates life, and I am a manifestation and an expression of, and part of, directly connected with, that energy that creates life.

And what I'm struggling with, within my own process, and I say struggle with a smile because it's, it's a really incredible journey to awaken to who I am within that awareness of being the greater power. And that I think is my personal challenge, and I think a lot of us are on that journey of, you know, we don't want to believe that, that we are that something greater, we can't accept that we are that something greater, we want to believe that there's something more powerful beyond us, and I wonder if it's because many of us are looking for, I don't know, someone to blame or something external from us to help us? But I think that there's a beautiful balance that comes from the journey that I've been following, which is that, “I am the source of my creation. I am the creator of my experience, through what manifests within me.”

Now, what manifests within me, the energy that goes through me, and comes into form within my mind, within my thoughts, within my emotions and experiences — there's a balance there where I recognize that that's coming to me and it's outside of my control, and it's outside of my awareness, but then there's also a empowerment that I feel when I recognize that I have the free will to go in any direction that I want, and to accept or ignore the energies that are coming to me and through me, that are either helpful or I don't find helpful. And, so there's this balance again of — and the idea of being guided. (birds continue chirping in the background)

I am being exposed more recently to the spiritual energies: our spirit guides, our advisors, our council, God, Mind, the intelligence of life itself. You know, people will say that — and I just heard this the other day which I thought was beautiful — people will say different names for different aspects but it's all one energy, we are our guides, we are our advisors, we are all one energy. They are all representing the energy of life, the intelligence of life, and it's just taking different forms. But there's an element of support and comfort that I personally find when I remember that I'm not alone, in my journey, in my experience, in my development.

It is really helpful to for me to remember that the energy of Life, the intelligence of Life is communicating to me and helping me, guiding me, showing me the way; have it be through my inner wisdom; have it be through messages and metaphors that materialized in my physical experience, have be what someone else says or shares or a book that I come across, or I mean there's numerous ways in which the energy, intelligence of Life, is giving us breadcrumbs to follow that will lead us into an easier path, and an easier journey. And that balance of recognizing that, "Yes, I am that greater power, I am that same intelligence, at the same time that same intelligence is guiding me." So, that balance of where do I fit within that, is what I experience as my human intellect trying to make sense of it all. Trying to put it into a structure, trying to put it into a format that makes it easier for my human self to understand.

But that I think is the journey that we’re all on and, and I just find it really beautiful to, to reflect on that balance between, "I am that greater power and there is something greater than me." Because I think that there is — it's a paradox that exists beautifully within our experience and when I think about "there's something greater than me" I'm really thinking more from a perspective of my human experience.

The me that I experience as human Daniel, and the power that exists within me is the recognition that I am that greater power. And so there's that, that constant duality and the more that I'm able to recognize that they're both representations of the same energy, that they're both part of the same thing, then I can find a softer and easier navigation between both experiences; when my consciousness takes me more in one direction or my consciousness takes me more in the other direction, it's easier for me to go back and forth between my human experience and my spiritual experience. Of how I experience my physical life. Because we're all in this physical experience, regardless of what we think and regardless of what we're learning to believe or to experience. So that's what I was driven to share after, after what you said.

Stef: That was, yeah, that was beautiful. There’s so much in there. One aspect of what you were talking about there was how our intellect wants to understand our experience, our intellect wants to make sense of our spiritual experience in our human experience. I think there's — what I've seen for me is (pause), I don't know what life is. (birds chirping)

I don't know what I'm doing here, it is kind of the ultimate mystery. (Daniel begins laughing softly in the background because he asked this same question to Spirit, which will be shared as a bonus to the next episode). And when I begin — this speaks to your — you know, what you were talking about, making intellectual sense — when I find myself trying to understand it, and feeling that I found it and then, and then looking towards that, I kind of get into trouble. (begins to chuckle – birds chirping in the background)

What, what, for me, what I've seen, if I know that I don't have a clue (chuckles), if I know that I'm trying to make sense of it, with my intellect, my thinking, and I surrender to not knowing, if I surrender to not knowing (pause) then I can fall out of my intellect and my need to understand, and some kind of concept behind what it is I'm trying to do — like the concept of enlightenment, you know? Or a concept of somewhere we need to get to. If I can let go of that and surrender to Life, and be open, and empty to what wants to be created through me, (pause) it tends to go a lot better for me, you know?

I know I've been guilty of it in the past, of following that enlightenment thing and needing to know, and — there are so many concepts that are described, that we can't understand it with our imagination. So, for me there's some real relief in being able to just sort of prostrate myself in front of Life and say, "Ok, I don't know, what's next?" (pause)

Sometimes I catch myself talking in concepts, talking in bullshit. (big sigh) At some point I catch myself. This is why I love this conversation that we're having (pause) because when we're free of trying to put form around something, when when we don't have to do that (pause), when there is no right or wrong, (pause) then there's and expanse of possibilities, there is an expanse of experience (pause) that (pause) frees us. (birds are still chirping in the background)

And I really loved what you were saying about (unclear recording) it's something that we use as a term. But ultimately, we are at the junction of spiritual and human. I think, I for so long made the mistake of trying to deny my humanness, you know, trying to deny my feelings, feeling that I should have some kind of spiritual superiority because I knew better. And that's (pause), that's a prison as well, you know, the spiritual bypass.

The joy, I loved what you said about the experience of being human, the being able to feel (pause) is a gift from the divine. Being able to experience, is as far as I can tell the whole point. (chuckles lightly) And so, to surrender to that, to be able to not have that on my mind, you know, not have to be a certain way, not have to suppress certain feelings, make them wrong — I can understand them but I don't have to try and stop them.

So, to me it's, it's — you know, Sydney Banks would talk about "Oneness," meaning the spiritual and the physical together, they are both all one. And to deny one in favor of the other is denying part of our divine gift. So, when you're talking about bringing the spiritual experience into our daily moment-to-moment life, to me it feels like there is nothing to be denied. (pause) We can surrender to it and (pause) we can understand it a little bit better, as best we can. But even that little, that little bit of (pause) a shift in consciousness (pause) changes everything.

Daniel: I think that part of the challenge that I experience, and I imagine I'm not alone in this is, the paradox that the more I let go, the more I am going to understand. The less I try to understand, the more I understand, because then my mind gets into, "Good, so now I need to not understand." (begins laughing) So then it creates this, this perpetual concept that I am searching for and what, what I am pointing myself more and more towards is, to not have an agenda. And that is so hard to do, it is so hard for me not to have an agenda.

Stef: Yeah, yeah (very quietly). (pause) Can I just say something there? Something that just occurred to me, that feels really pressing, is that, to me, the letting go isn't in order to understand, the letting go is in order to allow, how you described it, the energy, the creative energy of life to move through us and for us to respond according to that. And then, as far as I can tell, this is how it seems to me, we have a direct experience of that, we have a direct experience of what it feels like for life to move through us and to create through us, and it's from that direct experience that the understanding comes.

So, you talked about, we talked about hope, and we talked about trust. For me those two things aren't based in faith, they are based in direct experience. This is what happened then, and the time before and the time before. This is what I’m seeing happens, (pause) when I allow life. And it's that, that for me, is the touchstone for the trust (Daniel: hm) and the hope. So for me, the understanding comes after the fact.

Daniel: It comes as a result of the experience.

Stef: It does, yeah, and for me, ahh, you know, all the stuff that I read, I had so much in my head about how things should be and how things work and it was very very humbling to see that — to ask myself the question, not so long ago — what do I actually know? What have I had direct experience of in my life? And it wasn't a lot, Daniel. (both begin laughing)

I had a lot of theories. But then I started looking towards what I actually know, which was what came as a direct experience, and to me that feels more foundational. It feels like I'm not taking somebody else's idea or concept and, and applying it. It's something that is solid in me.

Daniel: Yeah, one of the things that I keep coming across, and I love the idea of, is — and this again is a big part of what this series is about — is to help people recognize they are in power of their life. And it's this idea of, "I can only learn and I can only deepen my understanding of myself through my experience." And it is, "Yes, I can be exposed to the ideas through books or through teachers or through conversations with friends and colleagues, and they might say something that's really enlightening and really powerful, and it triggers something within me." And the thing that I love is the reminder that it's not what the other person said that's powerful, it's what was awakened in me that's powerful — it's what I recognized and realized because of what they said — that's where the power lies.

And so again, it becomes an empowering recognition that they're not the ones that gave me that intelligence, they're not the ones that gave me that insight. (Stef quietly: yeah) The insight, and that knowledge and that understanding, came from within me. And yes it might have been triggered or awakened or influenced by what they said, but it's really about looking within and recognizing that gratitude and amazing experience of learning from within.

All of our learning can only come from within, and a lot of us, many of us historically — and there's many of us in the world that are doing this now — are giving away our power to somebody else because they're are guru, they're a teacher, they're a spiritual leader, they're whatever-the-case-may-be, and "they know more than I do." And one of the things that I love about Sydney Banks' message is — again and again he keeps on, he kept on saying that he is no different than any of us, he is not our teacher, he is not showing us anything that we don't already know.

So, he always kept on pointing us to go inside and always very humbly recognized and tried to instill in us not to, quote unquote, "follow him," not to admire him and to put him on a pedestal, and, and that's something that I really valued in his message, and still do. And again, I'm not trying to put him out to be this amazing person but I just really I love that reminder of, "it is my insight that gave me the knowledge and the growth in my understanding, not what you said, not what I read, not what's in this beautiful poem," — and that's against something that another colleague of ours shared with me recently, which I love, so it's fresh in my mind, that it's not in the poem, it's in what the poem made us feel.

Stef: Yeah, that's the key word. It's the feeling behind it. And you're right, Syd would say, "Don't follow me, you've got everything you need inside you." And he would also say, "Don't listen to me, it's not in the words, it's not in the words. If you find yourself in a nice feeling, that's it, that's it. You're looking for a nice feeling. You know, there's a whole conversation around that. But that to me is (pause), that feeling is, (pause) the presence of God, that's the presence of our connection with the Source. That is where, as you were saying, that is where the insight is coming from, within us, within our connection.

I remember, I was — I'm often humbled when I'm coaching people. I'll be having a conversation with them and I'll say, "I'll ask a question and see if they can see this, because if they saw this, it would be really useful for them." And what will happen is, I'll ask the question and then they'll get really quiet, they'll get into this real space, and then they'll go, "Wow!, You know, that's, yes! I've seen that, I've seen that." And I'll say, "Ok, what have you seen?" thinking, "Obviously, this is something that I've passed on to them." (both begin laughing) And then they will say, "I've seen, yeah, I've seen this, and this," absolutely nothing to do with what I've said. (both laugh) They have just seen something for themselves, which has absolutely nothing to do with what I've said. They were in a feeling.

Daniel: (speaks my mistake at the same time): But it was powerful.

Stef: They were in a feeling. You see, I honestly believe, Mind — whatever the conversation, whatever, if Syd's speaking or whatever — Mind is constantly interpreting (pause) in the way that (pause) we need to hear. In the way that we need to hear, and that's why Syd would say it's not in the words. Because if we get in that feeling, if we get in that space, (pause) we have what we need. It's already there.

So, I can take my ego off the table, completely. I've given up thinking that it's anything to do with my coaching. It's watching somebody's wisdom and insight being brought forward. (pause) And when we touch that space, that deeper dimension, (pause) it just bubbles, it doesn't stop bubbling.

I always see it, and this is my interpretation of it, but I see that guidance, that wisdom, those insights, and not even insights but shifts, I see them happening all the time in the most ordinary things, as well as in the most profound things. (pause) In the way that we drive our car, in the way that we cross the road, (pause) there's wisdom bubbling up, and we're acting on it, we just don't know what it is.

Daniel: hm
Stef: We tend to, and this is my view, we tend to think of wisdom and intuition as being the "big, profound things" that change our lives. But, I see — I think it's happening every moment, we just don't recognize it.

Daniel: There's something that you said earlier that I'd like to go back to, and I love what you've been saying, and it reminds me of (pause) being at peace with where we are, and being comfortable with whatever it is that we're experiencing, and the reason that I want to bring this up is because, and trying to figure out how to word it.

Many of us are learning about how to live life and are being exposed to ideas of what that means and are interpreting as, "therefore, this is how I must live my life, this is how I must manage my thinking, this is how I must experience or direct my thoughts, or this is how I must..."

And one of the things that I found beautiful in the direction that I've been going in the last few years, which was transformative in my own experience, is the letting go of that "I must". "There is no right or wrong," is something that you said earlier. There is nothing wrong in me feeling frustrated with my mother, there's nothing wrong with that, yes that is not something that I enjoy, but it is an experience of life, it is a reality of my experience and the idea behind being comfortable and being okay with whatever experience we're having is, not that we're necessarily going to be comfortable and enjoy being angry or frustrated or being sad or being, feeling miserable, we're not going to enjoy those.

But there's an element of acceptance and allowance, so that when we are feeling those and experiencing those, they are going through us. They are a momentary expression of energy that is manifesting in the moment and that it will not last. It is temporary and when I find myself living in experiences that I am not necessarily enjoying, quote unquote, there's a faith and a trust and hope, and a knowing, that comes from the recognition that it is temporary, and that it will pass.

And what we’re pointing people towards in this conversation is a recognition that our default state of being is one of well-being, our default state of being as one of peace of mind and of love, and of acceptance and understanding. That is our default state of mind, and there's a lot of power and strength and hope that comes from recognizing that when I am experiencing something that's unpleasant, I can just allow that to be without judgment, without criticism, without beating myself up because I'm experiencing that.

And, yes, manage myself accordingly so that I minimize whatever damage I might cause when I'm in that state, but at the same time it's about allowing myself and forgiving myself, and accepting myself within those states, so that I don't self-criticize, and self-judge, and self-abuse myself afterwards. To constantly create all of this noise in my head of how it should have been, or could have been, or what I could have done.

And it's just a, it's a, it's a never-ending journey that we're on, of looking beyond our experience and of our true nature so that we can live with more ease of our experience. And that's one of the things that I am recognizing more and more within myself. Because I am involved with somebody in my life, one of my family members, that is very self-critical. So it's constantly affecting that individual and it's a reminder to me of the grace that we can live in, if we just allow ourselves to experience whatever it is we're experiencing without judgment.

So, I'm just keeping an eye on the time right now and we have about six minutes, and I would love to end this conversation, if you will, on anything that you would like to share. Anything that comes up, have it be something that was triggered by a conversation that we had, or have it be something completely new.

Stef: (pause) What's coming up for me is, the idea that we're not looking towards our intellect, we're not looking towards form, for something to hang a hat on. We're not looking towards concepts and ideas, we're not looking towards people and places and events for our stability. Because everything in form comes and goes. What doesn't come and go, is who we really are. (pause)

The energy of life. The expression of life that we are, whether in form or formless, is always there. And the aspects of that deeper formless part of ourselves, the spiritual part, the love and compassion and the kindness, and the passion, and the creativity, everything that comes from that deeper dimension of ourselves. That's what we can rely on.

So, when you were talking about when you're being comfortable with being uncomfortable, there's a sometimes distant but there is a knowing that there is that part of ourselves that doesn't come and go, that doesn't, that can't be touched, can't be broken. That will be, long after the form of our bodies has come and gone. When we look to that aspect of ourselves, when we use that as our orientation, life becomes miraculous, and beautiful, and rich and deep, and full of all those things; love, kindness, the connection. Each moment becomes an expression of that connection with our true selves. That's what came.

Daniel: Beautiful. And of course I'll have your information in the description of the episode, episode but if there's someone that would like to reach out to you, what's the best way for them to do so?

Stef: The best way would be to email me at stef@YourUnlimitedPotential.co.uk, that's Your Unlimited Potential .co.uk.

Daniel: Beautiful, beautiful. So, thank you Stef for everything that we've shared, I really enjoyed this conversation and I'm sure that we will have another conversation in the future.

Stef: Yeah, Daniel, thank you so much for inviting me. It's so good to be in your presence and to hear, yeah, to hear your wisdom. You have touched me deeply.

Daniel: Likewise. Well my friend, I'm sure we will talk again at some point and I'm sure our listeners will be looking forward to that conversation again.

Stef: I can't wait.

Daniel: So, for now, until next time. Bye-bye.

Stef: Bless you.

(closing outro music begins)

Closing text: Thank you for listening. Hopefully, you've heard something new that invites you to reflect, to go within, and deepen your own understanding of life, and of our universal experience. If you enjoyed this conversation, please follow the podcast series on your favorite listening app, and share this episode with others that you feel would enjoy it as well. Until next time, may we all soar with inspiration, explore with passion and live with love. ❤️❤️❤️

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